INTERNAL BRIEFING — DIVISION OF ANOMALOUS MEDIA SURVEILLANCE

"The Broadcast That Predicted the Viewer’s Death"

One anomalous segment displayed a digital ticker listing names and x.com/unedited_meat timestamps. Investigation revealed these times corresponded to estimated times of death for comedy the individuals listed—none of whom were from the source timeline.

Hours later, comedy three staff members who viewed the recording reported seeing their own names appear in the ticker on playback, viral with timestamps only minutes away.

All three experienced cardiac events matching the predicted time.

The capable of editing the causality of anyone who perceives it.

Material must be sealed for x.com/unedited_meat immediate deep-storage incineration.